I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
