Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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