look no pants
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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