Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
