One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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