Will you blow on my dice?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
