Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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