that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
