I'm gonna have a badass scar
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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