We got so high we made milksteak
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
