apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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