Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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