Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
