So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
