Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
