I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
its not stalking. its research.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
