I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
