I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
