I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
