Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
