Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
