This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if i died would you start the facebook group?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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