dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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