he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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