Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
