if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
