the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
