I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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