omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
