I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
