I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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