I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
