Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just threw up on my dentist
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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