i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
