I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Randomize
