The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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