my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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