I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
