I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
