Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
