the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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