Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
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