When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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