I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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