I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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