1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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