it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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