Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
