they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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