Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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