Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
