I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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