In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
